19.09.16
Oh boy was there a ton of cheesy cliche in this: 'Titanic's landlubbin' Oirish pauper from below decks is now a latino chica from the ship's kitchens. Likewise the stiff upper lipped English architect who will help guide the survivors out of his own creation, has been transformed into a mincing old fruit played by Richard Dreyfuss, with all the conviction of Bertie Bassett. The real coup de grace, though, was getting Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas in this. Admittedly she isn't given many lines, but she does a nice little sing-song before kicking the bucket. Oh and the capsize is thrilling. Lots of dolled up rich folk go flying about the place, bouncing off end-tables and chandeliers, rich kids getting electrocuted in the disco, and a bunch of poor saps inside the top deck swimming pool are turfed out like helpless goldfish into the cruel deep. Of course, after a spectacle such as this, you expect things to calm down. The obligatory romance, courage and last dying words take their turn as every cliche and convention is rubber-stamped and we duly arrive at the film's end, a few unfortunate ones having met their maker along the way. Ho hum. Mildly diverting.